Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
When chuck Norris does push ups, he isn't lifting himself up, he is pushing the Earth down instead.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Some magicians can walk on water. Chuck Norris cam swim through land.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bears isn't dead, it is just afraid to move.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them.
Chuck Norris won a staring contest with Medusa.
Very very sad news: Chuck Norris died earlier today, but he is ok now.
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