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21 April, 2008

God forbid

This is your life. This is as good as it gets. 
No, it can get better. It can always get better. Not through the more and more expensive Danish furniture you are able to buy, or closer and closer you get to the ring on the hockey games because of who you know and how much you can pay. But it can get better through that little telescope pointing in to the universe you are scared to look. That imaginative telescope so strong, so potent, you are just scared that you may see ‘god’ if you get yourself together to look in to it. That is why you keep it in the corner of a room you seldom frequent and you occupy yourself with hockey games and Danish furniture and rare expensive LP’s that makes you feel you are worthwhile.

But if one of these day, god forbid, you grow extremely tired of that little rat race of yours, one day find yourself amazed by the fact that you are not so interested in sitting in the very front row of the biggest game of the year, you may remember that telescope of yours and remember that it has your name on it.
You may reluctantly walk towards that room and reluctantly approach the telescope and place your eye against the end of it, your eyes lids covering your sight, you may hold on a seconds, give out a sigh, and whisper to yourself “Fuck it!.” As you open your eye, as you let the light sink in to it, as you work yourself to recognize what are you seeing, you sink in to an indescribable fascination. Hence, you don’t see god, you don’t see the end of the universe. But all you see is the back of your own fucking neck. Where do you go from there? Where do you go?

07 April, 2008

Turn of the centaur

We just voted nay, and nodded and looked away. We did not question, we did not complicate the procedure. You don’t want to complicate the procedure, it always ends bad one way or another. I personally did not even let myself grow a personal opinion about the subject, you just do not grow a personal opinion, you nay, you nod and look away. 
I sensed some had minor objections that held within, unspoken, wisely done, but what matters is it was MOSTLY agreed upon. Mostly. Unanimity has never been a requirement in these procedures, mostly was just enough. Sometimes I wonder how I let myself look over the fact that we have become such frivolous creatures that we just need to mostly agree on a ‘life’, initiation or determination of it. But then again, we had become such frivolous creatures long ago and now we had grown accustomed to its drawbacks, we even consider them commodities. 
Yes, we have lost a lot on the way to our survival, we might have even lost our humanity, but we are still alive, you see, no matter what, we are still alive, and that all it matters. Human or not, we are still alive. Most of us don’t even have the same organic construction anymore that once has defined us as humans. Human is not in the genetics or physicality, or in the character. Human, now, is in the game. You pick a side to fight with and you stick with till the end. Human is just the name given. Of course, one has to have some form of attachment to the name one way or another, say, the looks, the chemistry, the genes, but most of the time these attachments were over or under looked as long as it served to purpose, being, winning. And we have been winning, wouldn’t you say? We have been winning oh so gloriously and celebrating it as well.
It is not appropriate for me to talk in the name of the humans. After all, I may be the one true human left in the party, I still don’t like the kind. I despise the human. Unfortunately, as I mentioned, I am one of the true ones left. There are 3 of us. So I reign this human kind, because I am one, a true one, though I hate it but cannot be accepted in any other party, because I am true. I have been working against my kind for sometime now, wanting to extinct it. I do not tolerate love. Love makes you do stupid things proven over the history over and over again. I forbid love. I do not allow love in my reign. Go to other parties if you want to love. They will let you love. Some of them thrive from love. They only survive through love. They live in the desert and I do not bother with them, hence they destroy themselves with this thing called love. They kill in the name of it, they hurt in the name of it and they will extinct in the name of it and I will only watch. I do not bother with them. They will bring their own end with or without my help. But I will not allow love spreading within my land. I want a clean end for my party, not a messy one that the desert parties are having come at them.
So I am executing all over the land, with or without a reason, hoping one would rise against and overthrow me. But guess what? Nobody rises. Everybody watches, knowing that one day it will be their turn to die and I kill and kill and wait and hope for that one that will rise against. In the end we are down to the core 3 true humans, looking at each other and I realize: fuck. What to do now? I cannot get myself to kill my own blood, my mother and father, neither they can kill me. So here we are, in this abundant land waiting to be milked, But we cannot do anything because we are disabled, we are confused, we have lost the track of our reasoning. We didn’t see it coming until the last member was killed. And when that one was gone and I ordered for the next one to be brought in and there was no sound, no movement that I could catch from the corner of my eye, mom said it:
“I think you’ve done ‘em all.” I think I’ve done them all. What is next mom? Silence. Dad? Silence. It all up to me again and I am yet again answerless, not that my answers were ever correct.
I order we wait. We wait. We wait. Until we forget what do we wait for and who we are. How long would that take?