I saw some Polaroids I took on some wall. I remember saying: "huh, these are my Polaroids." Wondering how can someone could have gotten hold of them. And even hung them on a wall for exhibition-like purposes. They were not even particularly good. They were just random Polaroids. I mean, I know Polaroids are special and all but one needs to be a little bit more selective, I remember thinking, when it comes to hanging them on a wall like that. But it looked like people enjoyed them.
The place reminded me of the cave: the lab in the photography building. I used to work there in college. I spent more than half of my time at the basement floor of Bergen Hall, where I developed and printed my photographs and also checked out items for other students.
So the place in my dream was a reminiscent of cave, but not entirely. As I was looking through my Polaroids, some guy took one and said he loved it, he wanted to buy it. I could feel his immense admiration yet to me the Polaroid was severely mediocre. So I told him he could have it. All that time I was not exactly looking at him, my eyes still on the Polaroids. Then I turned my head to him as he said a very sincere thank you and there I was in love.
These things happen like that. You turn around and you are in love. I could feel the same in him as well. He was as surprised as me and delighted. I started to tell him how he could actually make a Polaroid emulsion lift with that particular Polaroid and that would make it look so much cooler and I proceeded to tell him how to do it. I was just trying to elongate my stay around him. I was aware of that so was he. And we both were enveloped in this unspoken truth enjoying every moment. Then both him and I got called away. I don't exactly remember how it all came down to but I remember myself walking down the 34th street going to my first NY apartment on 34th and 10th ave feeling the joyful butterflies in my stomach, savoring the balmy taste in my mouth. I was not thinking would I ever see him again. I was enveloped in that dreamland cloud, safe and happy. Then I remember some other guy walking beside me. He was a friend of his. He was telling me how he was in to me but he did not know how to approach and afraid that I would hate his name. I remember kid telling me the name and I remember thinking it to be a very ordinary name, nothing to hate. I assured the friend the name was fine, it was more than fine. "OK then" he said and as I reached my apartment building he disappeared in to the dreamland cloud.
I saw, from the corner of my eye, that there was a letter in our letterbox. I picked it up and realized that it was from him. How was that possible? How did he know where I lived and bring the letter before I arrived. While in the dreamland cloud you need to take things for granted, not too much questioning. I know in dreamland you cannot read, the letters never stay put, they jumble around. But I remember the letter inviting me to dinner tonight. Meet me there kind of thing. Most romantic. I am not so romantic, but this was on the spot. But then I felt there was something holding me back. As I entered the apartment, Martin told me we would miss our flight. I then understood what was holding me back: I was leaving the country for Turkey, never to come back. He told me there was a big traffic jam and we wouldn't make it on time. We could try though. But we might not make it. Around that time I remember slowly waking up. As the dreamland cloud opened up and sharp dew of reality slowly covered me, I remember deciding to screw the flight and go to the dinner with the guy I fell in love with.
As I became completely awake I savored the beautiful feeling of "being mutually in love" which I am not sure if I ever experienced in the sharp dew of reality. Alas, I now know how it feels, at least. Happy.
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